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  • Writer's pictureFred

Chunky Dunk, Terror of the Seas

Updated: Mar 30, 2023

Some 360 million years ago, in the Devonian era, when fishy things ruled the roost on Earth, there were quite a few truly terrifying species lurking about that make Great Whites and the massive Megaladon seem kinda low on the overall terror scale.

What is not known about this one particular species I am referring to here is that they behaved like schools of oversized viscous Piranha.

360 million years ago, the continents looked a lot different to they way they are now and the Cleveland area was then under the Sea in roughly the same latitude as where Rio de Janiero is today.

These Seas were fairly shallow compared to their current depth back then and this truly scary predator hunted in packs of 30 to 40 viciously hungry fish in water that varied between 1000 feet to 2500 feet in most places.

These roughly 11 foot monster fish had bodies like an armor plated super badass Tuna, tails like swift powerful sharks and a mouth twice as large as a 15ft Great white shark!

These awesome fish were very dense, finned wrecking balls with twice the mass of a 15 foot Great White and there was absolutely nothing that would take these guys on at all.

Their favorite prey was a long extinct super massive Whale shark species about the same size as a Blue Whale and various sub species of now also extinct Super Giant Squid that roamed them parts back then.

Dunkleosteus terrelli is it's scientific name and it was a very heavily armored fish indeed and it was the world's first vertebrate super-predator.

This now makes the not so secret time machine technology project quite an enticing prospect as we have potentially 8 billion Marxist fish food pellets to feed them through a temporal worm hole construct.

Ancient Sanskrit documents told stories of these even more ancient Chunky Dunk horror arthrodire's and they were long believed to be myth and stuff of legends only, until someone dug a fantastically preserved one up 18 years ago and another bunch of folks dug up some interesting ancient Sanskrit documents from somewhere in Antarctica that came with amazing pictures and Biology data on these Chunky monsters as well as a yarn that seemed to relate to time travel.

Ignored up to the point someone realized this was actually not a yarn and that the math in another related document they dug up was actually cutting edge Physics referencing time travel technology, the other documents were dusted off and re-read again in the new context of possible facts with a bit of imagination rolled in to fill in the blanks...

These Chunky Dunks could potentially solve the difficult problem of what we do with 8 Billion rabid Marxists.......Sounds like it could be a win-win situation Ja?!

Das ist WunderBra!

Schultz, Schultz, ve haf found ze vay to feed das scary fishies, just hurry up mit das time machinnen, schnell, schnell!!

Reference: “A Devonian Fish Tale: A New Method of Body Length Estimation Suggests Much Smaller Sizes for Dunkleosteus terrelli (Placodermi: Arthrodira)

by Russell K. Engelm, 21 February 2023, Diversity.


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